Clubs have always been appealing to me. Whether it was an imaginary club I created in the backyard with my neighbor, or my sorority in college, I’ve always wanted a place to fit in. I don’t think that desire is foreign to any of us – don’t we all just want to belong somewhere?
This desire doesn’t feel any different in motherhood. I just want to fit in with some group of mothers – whether it is fitting in with other new moms of young babes, or finding moms now that have two kids.
We want to be around people that are in the same walk of life as us, who know what we mean by “sleepless nights” or “teething problems.” Who also understand us when we forget to wash our hair for the third day in a row, or who revel in the bliss of our child’s “long nap time.”
Finding the right club doesn’t always work out, though. Just like in High School, there is an application process, a waiting period, and maybe even an initiation. I tried the breastfeeding groups and some “baby wearing” groups, but nothing seemed to click. I’ve quickly realized that you don’t automatically gain more friends just because you’re all moms of two kids. There are a number of factors that simply get in the way.
Instead of sulking that we can’t find the right fit, maybe we just need a change of perspective.
As moms, we don’t need to try to fit in – we’ve got little groupies at our feet all day just dying for more of our attention. We are constantly surrounded by little people that want more of us and who want to be like us!
Adult time is great but is it so necessary that we lose our sense of identity over it? (I’m talking to you, self!) Besides, clubs are hard work to maintain anyway.
These little people grow up so quickly. Why do I bother wishing I could fit in with other moms when I should be filling my daughter’s days with giggles, tickles, and cuddle time?
I’m so fortunate for the friends I do have – the ones who are single, who are dating, who are new moms, and who are mothers of grown children. At this point, we should be worrying about maintaining the friendships that have lasted, and working to not lose more as casualties of motherhood.
Besides, you might be surprised at the friendships that rise out of not trying so hard.