Well friends, it’s been five months since I went through IVF and donated my eggs to a friend.
Looking back – it definitely doesn’t seem like five months. But like they say, time flies when you’re having fun!
I wanted to hop back over here and write a little follow-up post about what to expect after egg donation.
What happens to the eggs? When are the embryos ready for transfer? How long does it take to find out the recipient is pregnant? And how do you move forward with your life after donating eggs?
I hope to answer these questions for you.
My situation is a little different from others’ I’ve read on the internet. My situation is what’s called a “known donor” situation.
My girlfriend asked me if I would donate my eggs to her, and I said yes. Therefore, she knew her donor. A lot of people receive eggs from an unknown donor – or, a person they’ve never met.
Sometimes when a woman donates her eggs, she becomes anonymous and there is no chance of knowing details about her. Eventually, I may become an unknown donor to someone else. I’ll touch more on that further on.
Now that I’m five months removed from this experience, I can definitely say that it’s so rewarding. There were tough moments, for sure, but overall I am so glad that my friend asked me to be a part of this with her!
After my eggs were removed in January and put into a Petri dish, they were immediately fertilized with donor sperm.
During the next few days, the embryos were watched closely and those that were too weak didn’t survive. Five days later, all the of the salvageable embryos (11 of them) were set aside to be used or frozen.
My recipient chose to be implanted with two embryos, so now 9 are currently being frozen.
Legally, I no longer have rights to these eggs/embryos. They are legally not my children, and I have no say over what happens to them. For some, that’s a hard truth to come to terms with.
However, because the recipient and myself are friends, she and I do talk about what may happen to those leftover embryos.
After the embryo transfer, the recipient knows within the next two weeks if she is pregnant or not. A few weeks after that, she knew if she was pregnant with both embryos or just one.
Spoiler alert: she’s pregnant with both!
We just found out Sunday that both twins are GIRLS! My friend and her family are so excited! And my family is so happy to have been a part of this with her, too.
As for the leftover embryos now, chances are they will be held onto for the next year, or donated to another family.
At that point, the next family won’t know details about me or my family history, since I gave my eggs as a gift to someone else.
And part of me felt conflicted hearing that.
How will those kids feel growing up with questions that their parents can’t answer about me? Will they be upset? Will they ever try to figure out who I am?
Honestly, those are questions that I am not able to answer now. If those embryos are donated to someone else, I will start praying that they are given to the right parents, and that 18 years from now I am in a good position to talk to them, if they so choose.
Egg donation really is a modern miracle. If it wasn’t for science and technology, so many loving, wonderful people would never be able to have children.
The eggs that I gave were donated as a gift. My husband and I were not actively trying to have children, so these eggs would never have been my children (if that makes sense).
They would have been eggs that my body naturally released at the end of the month. I’m so glad they have become much more than that to another family!
Now, everything is in the hands of the recipient. We will wait and pray for a healthy, full-term pregnancy.
We plan to stay in touch with the family, of course, and will be as involved in her life, and the babies’ lives, as much as they want us to.
It’s a delicate balance of being connected genetically, and staying within the boundaries relationally.
I don’t feel an emotional connection to these babies outside of loving them because they are wonderful, sweet, innocent beings birthed by my friend.
I don’t feel like they are my children, like I need to have them and to have a say in how they are brought up. That’s not the point of giving a gift.
Of course – they will always be special to me because of the part I played in their existence. But the tricky part of egg donation for some people can be the moving forward after the process is done.
Once that transfer is made, papers are signed, and rights are relinquished. What’s most important now is that when these babies are born, they know how many people loved them so much, early on, that they were willing to go great lengths to get them here.
If you have more questions that I haven’t answered here, please leave me a comment below!
And if you’re interested, check out my other post all about what it involved leading up to being an egg donor.